Recently I had a particularly annoying conversation with my own mother regarding an upcoming visit and her cat. It’s not just true of my mother but also true of my mother-in-law. Their pets have moved into their hearts as the stand-in children. Children grow up and I guess parents fill that void with fur. Both Grandmas have pets that they talk about in a way that is absolutely disgusting with far too many comparisons to my very human, very dynamic daughter. To hear someone say, “My cat…” or “My doggie…” does something that is so precious “Just like my grand-daughter!” No. No thank you. I don’t care if your cat talks to you and your dog hugs you that affection is not relatable to my daughter’s!

When my daughter says, “I love you grandma.” to one of them she isn’t thinking, ‘Now I get a treat right?’ she’s not thinking about that delicious kibble she just received from them, or the scratch behind the ears or how they make a great warm spot - but that IS what their pets are thinking. Ugh.

Ok on a certain level it’s a little sad & pathetic. Your kids have grown up, you get a pretty fantastic gig as a grandparent which includes all the fun parts of parenting, spoiling, filling with candy, etc. and none of the grunt work - discipline, hygene, etc. So I do understand the big picture here, they’re too far away (and not really being asked) to be a part of the daily routine of parenting, they’ve got a soft spot for things warm, cute & cuddly and there are tons of animals that need good homes. Boom. Let the magic happen right?

Sure, fine. I think retirees and pets are an obvious combination but the phone call that I had with my mom… the one where she said, “Well I’ve got nothing going on right now and I’d LOVE to visit but what will I do with my cat?” that’s what drove me over the edge recently. Being pregnant, tired and a little stressed made this conversation the last thing that I wanted to hear. As she argued with me about how her cat CANNOT stay in a kennel because he would, “Go crazy” and a million other excuses she had that would make sense if she were talking about abandoning a child. Fine! Don’t come visit your human grand-daughter, stay home with your cat that you swear is just like a person.

The big deal is that, it’s great that our parents figured out how to be super star grandparents, we love that our daughter gets to benefit from them finally learning from their own parenting mistakes to do a great job in their grandparent role but it’s not great when they take their job of parenting their pet more seriously then they ever took raising us. That’s just not ok. If there’s one thing they should know as parents it’s that life goes too quickly, children grow up too fast and pets have a short memory - you go, maybe they miss you, then you come back and they forget you ever left.

When you come visit your grand-daughter, you help create memories that will last her the rest of her life. You win respect from your children and total adoration from your grand-children (who think grandparents are way cooler then stick-in-the-mud parents) you build relationships within your family that are greater then the sum of their parts. And your pet will forgive you, I swear.

***I did a couple of blog posts that sort of relate to this one - The Fur Baby vs. Human Baby one and another one regarding the Grandparent Situation.
I suspect I wrote the grandparent one after a particularly stellar
weekend with my mom, she has been known to be one top notch
grandmother. The first Fur Baby post was in regards to how people can
go from single, to married, to parents and somewhere along the way
their pets status drops from member of the family to member of the
animal kingdom.